Friday, 13 April 2018

I'd be a terrible medical guinea pig

I almost fainted at the doctor the other day.

I had some vaccination injections with the rest of the family for our holiday to Sri Lanka. I was the only one who cried. I don't know if it was the long build up and anticipation or just the needles on display before I was injected with a live virus but it clearly did for me! The mollycoddling by the doctor, my wife and my daughter that ensued was possibly even worse. But I did feel like I deserved at least a sticker if not a lollipop! I didn't get either.

All of this confirmed to me that I would make for a terrible human guinea pig for medical trials. Not only would I faint at the sight of a needle but I also wouldn't be able to provide any feedback as I'd be out cold.

I think medical trials should be reserved for celebrities like the Kardashians or Nicola Sturrrrgeon and the trials should be aired on TV in a big brother style scenario. They can slip new horse tranquilisers in their breakfast cereals and we can watch what happens. Or inject them with newly developed anticoagulants and then leave loads of kitchen knives around the big brother house. Makes total sense to me.

All I know is, rather them than me.

Tuesday, 10 April 2018


February 2017

...the angle between the north vector and the perpendicular projection of the star down onto the horizon.

It's also the name of a grand chalet in the French Alps, in Argentierre. A second year spent in alpine bliss. Do the french deserve the alps? I'm not sure they do but they have them and we holiday there so I'm afraid we're going to have to live with it.

Millie's first real ski experience. Although she went the year before she wsn't really old enough to understand what was going on but this time round she was and she ws all over it.

We were blessed with a big dump of snow the week before arrival and some lovely sunshine.

During our second week we did some skitouring in Les Contamines - Montjoie which was pretty spectacular. Joined on his board and snowshoes by Jon Law we spent the day on the mountain and in the sun. There are few better things in life.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Sinterklaas - a children's dream shattered

5 December

Whats the recipe to ruining a child's fantasy?
I'll tell you. But first I have to give you a little background information...

Sinterklaas a traditional children's holiday has come under increasing fire for racial reasons, both within and outside the Netherlands.

The cause of this racial uproar is Saint Nicolaas.....this guy:

....has helpers.....these guys:

Now I see what you're thinking. However, this has no racial connotation or any malicious intent. Similar to Santa's elves or the Oompa Loompa's. Or are they insulting little people?

The Good Saint's name day is celebrated on the 6th of December with gifts (Pakjesavond) delivered by the mischievious Pieten on the eve of 5th of December. Sinterklaas arrives by boat from Spain on the first saturday after the 11th of Novemeber. Sinterklaas rides a white horse and caries with him a big red book with all the childrens names in and whether they've been good or bad. You can see how Sinterklaas is where Santa Clause has come from in the USA.

I grew up on Sinterklaas and I absolutely loved it! I still do. It teaches many valuable life lessons and in no way does it encourage racist behaviour. You see, this is the problem with society these days. We are losing diversity and becoming übersensitive about every aspect of life. National surveys in the UK have made the gender question optional as it could offend the transgenders. Political Correctness gone too far. What's next, are we no longer allowed to wear shorts because it offends paraplegics?

Surely there will always be something that offends someone. That should not be reason for knee jerk changes to traditions. Keep the Zwarte Pieten and keep Sinterklaas the way it is. Children love it, and so do I!

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Blinded by the light

With Christmas approaching fast, I want to give homage to those who contribute most to the celebration of light. Those that light up the night on their 2 wheels. These vigilantes move amongst us as normal citizens during the day but at night they come out and fight the darkness with their stadium strength lights. They are the champions of the road, the real life Batmen...

...Batmen in their minds maybe. These idiots aspire to be like the sun. They are determined to blind every other road user. They use up more energy for their bike lights than Oxford Street does for their Christmas lights. I hate these people.

It's dangerous and it should be policed. I have a simple solution. If your bike lights are brighter than 20 lumen's you should receive one public lashing. Preferably in Trafalgar Square. If your bike lights are brighter than 30 lumen's you should receive 2 lashings and so on and so forth.

Bike lights are not meant to blind people, they are not meant to penetrate walls or illuminate the moon. Bike lights are there to be seen. In a city you don't need to light the ground in front of you because every street is lit up already. On dark stretches where there are no street lights you wont need bright lights because your light will seem much brighter in complete darkness.

Let Christmas be the celebration of light and not your bicycle.