Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Countryfile: 1. Chopping Wood



Is there anything more manly than chopping wood? 

I chopped wood the other day.
Axe in hand. Lumberjack shirt unbuttoned. Serious look on my face. I had a beer after.

You could be a weedy little marketing twat but standing over that wood block you feel like a hairy Canadian logger who is about to chop some serious effing wood and then shag his wife not once but three times.

This is definitely a big part of why I moved to the country. I feel more man than I did in the city. In London I felt the progressive, social pressure of not being feminist enough. If I had stayed any longer I was in serious danger of becoming a transgender tree hugger that didn’t eat meat, commuted to work on a skateboard, grew a stupid beard, wore trousers 2 sizes too small and refused to use male toilets because they offended people who don’t understand biology.  

So basically I saved my manliness by moving to the country. Now I can chop wood and hang around my garage pretending to do manly shit, like moving my tools around and charging my drill.

I wonder if I should buy a chainsaw, it could come in handy...
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