Tuesday, 5 January 2021

Bush Diving is back!

One of the pleasant consequences of the global pandemic is that bush diving has made a real resurgence. It is once again fashionable and cool to dive headfirst into the nearest hedge as soon as you spot another human being within the same postcode as yourself. 

Now that we all have to socially distance and keep away from each other because, let's be honest, any one of us can have "the bug", it has brought to life a whole new variety of stupid, massively over-exaggerated human behaviour. 

Every time I'm out walking the dog, I encounter about 6 people who decide to plunge demonstrably into the hedge next to them as I get within 30 meters. It's basically a game of chicken to see who dares to come closest. I have to admit, I'm a real badass and I generally push the limit and so I usually win. 



My question is, what happens when you both dive into the hedge at the same time. Does it then develop into a stalemate, a COVID 'sur place' as it were? A standoff to see who moves first. 

To be honest I'm not a bush diver. I tend to stoically keep walking and drop an ice breaking "This crazy world we now live in ey?" as I pass them by. I have no idea if they can hear me as they've impaled themselves on a hawthorn branch and accidentally swallowed a handful of blackthorn berries in the process. 

What's next? 

(My money's on disinfectant spray or possibly shining a very powerful light inside the body...)



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