Coughing is no longer allowed
So coughing is now illegal. I had a tickle in my throat while shopping in Waitrose the other day and so I thought I'd give it a proper guttural trachea clearing, phlegm loosener. Little did I know that I was committing high treason in the process. It was as if time stood still, everybody turned to me, glaring. It felt a bit like being Butch Cassidy walking into the only saloon in town, looking for trouble.
Ever since we've been living with the Chinese zombie flu, coughing in public is a no no. As soon as you cough you are seen as a liability to society and you should probably be culled from the population.
The CoughVid19 pandemic has in fact given us a very useful window into what the inevitable zombie apocalypse will look like. Tribalism, suspicion and absolutely zero altruism is what we can expect. Any weakness shown must be eliminated. A consistent cough? Zombie! Shoot 'em!