The Quiet Life

25-26 May 2013

Am I ready for the country life? Could I live in peaceful bliss in a small English hamlet where the main source of entertainment is gossiping with your neighbours whether old man John, yes the potbelly pig farmer, is "secretly" dogging on the weekends. Worse still, does his wife know about it but pretends she doesn't? In case you're wondering, yes, she does. Because she's sleeping with the 18 year old gardener and is working through the extended edition of the Kama Sutra with Bartosz the local Polish plumber.

Now I like a bit of gossip as much as the next guy but if that's all that you get on the weekends I might start dogging myself. So let's weigh up the pros and cons. We went to visit our good friends Kat and Stew in Middleton Stoney, Oxfordshire for the May bank holiday and spent the weekend in the country. To start with we had beautiful weather on Saturday which was a big bonus because if it's tipping down I can't imagine there is much to do in the sticks other than reading a book by the fire, watching films on the television or playing board games with the misses (all of which are things I enjoy to be fair). So we went for a walk. Going for a walk must be the number one hobby of country bumpkins purely because, well, that's what you do when you live in the countryside.

Our hosts had picked a lovely little route through the local fields and groves. The wildlife was out in full swing, showing off its vibrant colours and delicious aromas. Weaving our way through the open grassland and dense bush I have to admit it is something I miss living in London where the nearest thing you get to open countryside is the nearest park which is more a meeting point for the local chavs and a public toilet for the neighbourhoods canine population than being a pleasant place to spend your Sunday afternoons.

Gateway to Heaven?

Balancing act

Bridge over troubled waters?

Field of dreams

Ahhh with all that excitement I could use a nice cup of tea...

...hey wait a minute! That's not tea!! Mmhhhm maybe the countryside isn't that bad after all.


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